Tranny Cavern!

Haven't been blogging because trannies have taken over my life. First, there was being accosted by a rockerbilly tranny band outside the El Rey last night. And tonight, my forage into the world of online marketing, and subsequently the cesspool of American culture that is Myspace, led me to a circle of untold treasure.

I found a tranny on Myspace.

This is important for two reasons. 1) When you spend an hour a day trying to find people to befriend for your business' profile, so you can subsequently bombard them with reminders that your product exists, you inevitably get depressed after your 42nd profile in a row of some ghetto white girl with her ta tas hanging out and glitter banners that shout out "I cut you bitch! Live ur dreams!" (Another thing I learned from Myspace: many, many girls under 20 have babies. This whole initiative we've been trying for the last decade to get teen pregnancy numbers down? Yeah, it's not working) I would link to one but I don't want one of these girls to hunt me down. They cut a bitch, know what I'm saying?

2) One tranny does not just mean "one tranny." It means we've stumbled upon groups of trannies clustered together, living and working together as friends. And clicking on one leads to yet more trannies. Each one more glamorous and fantastic and incredible than the last. And they have pictures! I love them all! If only Christian hadn't ruined the word "fierce" for the rest of us.

Meet Syren Campbell. She is amazing. She works in Birmingham, AL and I love her. I might just ask her to fly to LA and protect me should one of these Myspace girls hunt me down and try to mess me up. And then we'd go manicures, maybe a wax (me not her). Maybe get tickets for Dr. Phil, but not Tyra cause that bitch is CRAZY. And then we are going out on the town. We are getting drunk and no one can touch me.

The whole thing almost makes it all worth it. Almost.

Moving Sucks Part I of Endless Parts

Seriously, moving companies need to settle down. You fill out one measly form (and then find out that a Pod costs $3,300 and subsequently have a heart attack) and whammo! I've been at work only a few hours and already have six voice mail messages and no less than 21 emails from different moving companies.

Y'all need to BACK off. Some dude just called my cell phone twice, not responding well when I hit Ignore the first time.

And if you're wondering out there why this is so frightening, let me just say that the thought of paying upwards of $1K for ANYTHING is enough to give me palpitations. Having them all jump me like a pack of rabid dogs makes the whole thing seem even worse, like they just can't wait to take my money from me.

All this for a bunch of boxes, a bed, a TV and my TiVo. If I wasn't such a sentimental packrack I would just toss it all and start over in Chicago (one of those boxes is full of old greeting cards, ticket stubs and yes, meaningful RECEIPTS. I know I have a problem- get off my back and out of my future scrapbooks)

God, I love the Onion

Chuck Berry Remembers Call From Cousin About White Kid Playing 'Johnny B. Goode'

Thank My Lucky Stars

Libra - April 21, 2008 There is a hard path in front of you, yet you can do what's necessary and still live your life in your own special way, even if this looks easy to others. Now, more than ever, your discipline can combine with a solid work ethic to stage a significant payoff. Don't think about cashing in your chips just yet. Rewards will follow if you just keep plodding along.

By Rick Levine

I am so tired. This morning I woke up and thought it was Tuesday. Yesterday was Sunday. Confusing a weekend day for MONDAY is, I think, one of the signs that you're close to having a mental breakdown. If I were Mariah Carey, my rep would be preparing a statement about my exhausted state right now, cautious about that moment when I lose my mind completely and start stripping on TRL. You know, again.

It's nice to get some acknowledgement that you're working hard, a little encouragement, even its from your generic daily horoscope. Actually, now that I think about it- is there anything better than a little positive reinforcement from THE UNIVERSE?

I feel better already.